Steal Works

"Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is nonexistent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery — celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: “It’s not where you take things from — it’s where you take them to.”

A quote from American film maker Jim Marmusch; if ever there was proof his words are valid, it's the American film industry itself. But is originality in general truly extinct, or is it simply lazy 'band waggoning'?

Fruit Juice

Ok, so I’m sure you’ve been in this position before. You’re sat with your friend, chatting away and they say “If I tell you this you mustn’t tell anyone” or they’ll hook you in by saying “You’ll never guess what…” but then make you swear complete secrecy. Infuriating isn’t it? What is the point in knowing something really juicy if you can’t blab to anyone who’ll sit still long enough to listen? It’s like being given a book, being told it’s fantastic and not being allowed to read it. So what I’m going to do is try to tell you as much as I possibly can, without giving away any of the major details.

A friend of mine, let’s call him Ralph, recently went away to see family in the US and apparently had a very good time. His relations over there live in quite an affluent area in Miami and for two weeks he was treated like royalty (the designer clothes and shoes he came back with was enough to nearly make me vomit jealousy!); chauffeured limousines, shopping trips, meals at fancy restaurants you name it . So one evening Ralph was having dinner with his uncle at the Versace Mansion (more jealous vomit), dining with a few of his uncle’s friends and business associates and an attractive, dark haired guy in his early thirties. Conversation and drink flow and finally Ralph asks the attractive guy what he does for a living and his reply is “I’m an actor.” Now Ralph had already got that feeling that he knew him from somewhere but couldn’t think why, “I thought you looked familiar. Have you been in anything famous?” At this point, a little aggrieved at not being instantly recognise, the actor (we’ll call him Rodney) proceeded to name his past roles and finally the penny dropped for Ralph. “Oh of course, you were in [name of film] too weren’t you? But you were younger in that. You look so different!”

After the initial awkwardness they finally hit it off and became friendlier with every drink. Being the only two around the same age (and being more than just a little bit drunk) instead of going their separate ways after dinner, they decided to head to Twist night club (which I’m informed, whether I’m interested or not, is in South Beach?!). So Ralph and Rodney drink, dance and generally behave like drunken gays and all in all it’s a great night by all accounts. Now the next morning, somewhat worse for wear, Ralph is given the third degree from his uncle about the previous night. Ralph then proceeds to tell his uncle all about Twist and Rodney, but he’s interrupted before he can finish.
“You took Rodney to Twist? You took him to a gay bar in Miami?!”
“We had a really good night!” Ralph replies, unaware the proverbial waste matter is about to hit the rotary blades.
“You’ve got to be kidding me! You better hope nothing comes of this!”
Then Ralph’s uncle calls Rodney, for whom the previous night is apparently lost in a alcohol fuelled amnesia, and becomes distressed when reminded. The next few days pass with awkward silences and obvious tension, to the point that Ralph is ready to go home. But eventually things seem to cool down and the tension lessens. That is until Ralph’s uncle receives a telephone call from Rodney telling him there are pictures of Rodney and Ralph kissing on Twist’s website. A huge argument ensues, during which Ralph is shown the pictures and asked how Rodney will possibly explain those away, given that he isn’t out and is supposed to be dating one of his female co-stars. Thankfully (for Rodney anyway) his legal team manage to get the pictures taken down, through persuasion or cash I’m not sure, either way Rodney is thrilled.

So I’m sat here listening to this story (from a friend I trust implicitly I might add) and can’t help but be sceptical, it’s human nature after all. As though reading my mind, or perhaps an incredulous look on my face, he turns his laptop to face me and cycles through a few photos of himself and Rodney dancing, posing and…...kissing!! Understandably I’m shocked beyond belief. I’ve seen just about everything Rodney’s starred in and, if I’m honest, I’m hating my friend right now. I mean I love him, but I hate him and want to ram the laptop in a very uncomfortable place. But the thing that grates the most, the worst thing anyone can say in a situation like this…”You’ve gotta swear you won’t tell anyone because I would be in such shit if this got out! With my family and with Rodney, I’d probably get sued!”

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU!!

Bionic or Just Plain Chronic?

Bionic; (adjective) Having anatomical structures or physiological processes that are replaced or enhanced by electronic or mechanical components.

Clearly this is quite an appropriate title for an album that sees Aguilera's previously highly acclaimed vocals relying on electronic support. Gone are the heavy vocals in ballads such as 'Voice Within' and 'Hurt' or even up-tempo tracks like 'Dirty' and 'Aint No Other Man', instead, Aguilera's latest offering is a blatant attempt to appeal to the new shock-lyric market Lady Gaga seems to have introduced. The video for her first release from the album, 'Not Myself Tonight' is so painfully reminiscent of Lady Gaga that even the most socially or musically out of touch could make the comparison. Aguilera herself described the album as an experimentation, but experiments don't necessarily herald positive results and this album could possibly be Aguilera's 'Glitter'. But having said that none of this means 'Bionic' is a failure, there are a number of tracks that ultimately "save" the album and it's those tracks that stay true to her original style.

Bionic: The eponymous track has a heavy industrial and electronic feel, yet vocally Aguilera has a somewhat Caribbean sound.
Not Myself Tonight: Catchy pop track with high paced verses, easily one of the most 'Gaga-esque' tracks on the album.
Woohoo: This up tempo track is laden with sexual references and a beat that's hard to resist dancing to.
Elastic Love: Possibly the worst track on the album, referring to love as a rubber band. To consider this one of the decent tracks off the album would take more than a stretch of the imagination.
Desnudate: More subtle sexually that 'Woohoo', this track has an infectious rhythm and catchy lyrics. I'd be willing to stake money on this being released as a single, a definite dance floor winner.
Glam: Another nod to the Haus of Gaga, generic superficial pop concerning fashion and aesthetics. Not terrible, but clearly a "filler" track.
Prima Donna: This song takes a few attempts, but a decent R'n'B style track nonetheless.
Sex For Breakfast: Slow and smooth vocals create a sensual feel and though it overtly refers to sex it is more subtle than other such tracks on the album. Great for end of the night chill out.
Lift Me Up: This track doesn't have the same heart felt emotion we've come to expect from the passionate ballads of 'Stripped' and 'Back to Basics'. Vocally sound, but lyrically bland.
All I Need: The obligatory "I'm a happily married woman now" pseudo-ballad. No song of Aguilera's is terrible, but it is only the beautiful vocals that save this dire song.
I Am: Again another soft, introspective ballad. Where the other tracks fail, this sweet song seems to encapsulate love without coming across as "try hard".
You Lost Me: Beautiful vocals and emotive lyrics make this without doubt the best ballad on the album.
I Hate Boys: Think Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" meets cheerleaders and you've got the essence of this track. Fun, ephemeral misandrist pop.
My Girls: Electronic pop offering, only improved by input from Peaches. Nothing grabs about the track but it's fun nonetheless.
Vanity: The (hopefully) tongue-in-cheek arrogance in the lyrics make you not want to like this track, but the hard beat and catchy rhythm are bound to have you hooked.
Monday Morning: The beat gives you the impression of early 'No Doubt' but the vocals are evocative of Sheryl Crow.
Bobblehead: Mix a solo Gwen Stefani with a hard house beat and this track is what you'd get. The first verse is just about tolerable but I have yet to listen to the track past that point as the chorus is beyond irritating!
Birds Of Prey: Dreadful. That is all.
Stronger Than Ever: No electronics, just vocals and a band - Aguilera at her best.
I Am (Stripped): Same as the former only acoustic. Personally this is my favourite version of the two.

Although at times quite contrived, where 'Bionic' succeeds it is truly enjoyable. I only hope that if there is another long wait for Aguilera's next album, she spends the time writing songs she truly cares about. If it 'aint broke Christina, don't fix it.